Abandonment Fears

That little ticking clock in your mind
You start to feel good - and it feels so nice!
But no sooner do you feel good, you start to feel bad.
You want to squeeze answers from the past
Raise the dead and ask them why they didn't want you
Jolt to life the one that fell asleep
Chase down your supposed soulmate and ask:
Why? Why? Why?
What a cliché: "It's not about you"
And yet you suspect that . . . perhaps it was
At the very least, it was about the fear.

Because you knew it the moment it switched on
As soon as you started to care, you felt that ticking time bomb start.
Ten, nine, eight . . .
Andallthehurtandfearfloodbackfromtheonewhosaidyouwerelifepartnersbutthenhegotsickandnowhesgone
Seven, six . . .
Andyourememberyourfatherdeadandgonewhorarelywantedtoseeyouortalktoyouorhugyou
Five, four . . .
Andwhydidthatassholeyoucan'tstandfuckherwhenyouwerepregnantanyway
Three . . .
Whothefuckwouldwanttobeinmycrazymessofalife
Two . . .
TK! TK! TK! TK!  Ruin it!  Ruin it!
One . . .
Andthefearistoomuchsoyouwon'tbeleftnotthistimesoyoupulltheplugandnowit'sdone

Boom.

You have successfully averted the abandonment.
Except. Wait a minute.

No. Not true.

Because this time,
You abandoned You.
 

Read more of my poetry.

Comment