I’d do anything to have him back
Go wordless
Put tape over my mouth
Did I speak too much? Share too much? Love too much? Show too much?
I know the code:
Be strong be smart don’t need anybody anybody anybody
Daddy, I’m just like you.
People complain
They tell me I’m aloof detached distant
That I disappear
Don’t you know, Daddy, don’t you know . . .
That when you disappeared and I didn’t get to say goodbye
That fear followed me
And I’m so afraid, so afraid, so afraid
That the love in my heart will burst like a bomb
Blow this silence to bits
And all the silent strands of connections, whatever invisible web
of something I can’t name that held our family in place
will rain down like feathery, silver ashes, gossamer threads of angel wings
This silence is what holds us together
This silence even now that you’re gone
I respect it
I hold my tongue
Even while the man from the spring who woke my heart from the grave
Disappeared, when I said, when I said, when I said
Way, way too much that didn’t matter
And of what did matter, I said nothing,
nothing at all.