Endless String of Fuckers Met Prompts Girl to Rally
Boulder, CO - Local women are forming a rally in attempt to install a fucker deflector at the border of Planet Boulder to minimize the number of dumb fucks who shouldn't be allowed to come near female-kind. As of yet, their petition to the city is pending, due to complications regarding the already large population of fuckers infecting the town.
"I realize that every dumb fuck wants to come to Boulder," said the group's president, Rachel X. "I feel kind of like a fuck-head myself for being born here, and even more for remaining a current resident. But there are limits to the fucked-up behavior that goes on here, and it should start being regulated.”
Apparently an unusually large number of disturbing incidents have precipitated X's fury and vigor to start blocking said fuckers. "Basically, I keep meeting these fuckers, only I don't know they’re fuckers until I've been fucked over. Fuck that!" X said, describing a variety of scenarios ranging from geeky to insidious. "First of all, there is an enormous population of harmless but lame emotional paraplegics who do things like issue self-rejecting invitations so they don’t have to wait for rejection. Like the UPS guy who left a message telling me to meet him at a restaurant for lunch, leaving no number so I could tell him that I didn't get the message until dinnertime. I might have given him a chance, but he rejected himself for me first."
Among the other winners are the hot grocery store clerks who ask girls out and then stand them up when they remember they're married, strangers who lick noses in bars, and the boss of the boss of the boss of Ms. X who incited her to start wearing a spiked collar by kissing the back of her neck. "Forget looking for Romeo, Casanova, or Don Juan. I'm just trying to stop meeting Lameo, Crassanova, and Don Gone Terribly Awry."
If the anti-fucker campaign is successful, screening centers will be installed on every highway and byway leading into Boulder. Centers will be wo-manned by ladies in dark glasses and fedoras, who will then liquify all incoming fuckers with their laser-beam eyes.
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