Stew Left On Bus

 

Boulder, CO- Local woman Rachel X's attempts to reestablish healthy eating patterns were foiled today when she left her lunches for the coming week on the bus.  "My stew! My stew is on the damn bus!" X said, wistfully gazing toward the street in memory of the clearly glorious comestibles. 

X has apparently had questionable eating habits of late, nourishing her wan, peaked frame primarily with peanut butter.  Determined to eat a larger variety of foods, X made an enormous vat of meatball vegetable stew for the coming week.  "Now that I have $20 to my name until pay day, I was hell bent on preserving my stew stash," she said. 

This valiant effort was proven to be in vain today, however, when X left her plastic bag of food on the bus.  "I guess it's back to peanut butter, stale dry puffed wheat, and coffee for me," she said, brightening at the realization that she still had enough coffee to maintain her typical state of heart palpitations until she can afford to go to the grocery store again.  "You know how they keep finding out that things like red wine are good for you?  Well it's just a matter of time until they discover all the hidden nutrients in coffee.  I'll bet I could avoid eating all together." 

X soured, however, when thinking of the unfriendly bus driver who probably will take her stew home.  "No one could resist a steamy cup of that meatball stew.  He's probably eating it right now upon this frosty day.  I wouldn't mind so much if it was the bus driver who asked trivia questions the whole ride, but this guy shouldn't be the one to get my damn stew."

 

Read more demented stories inspired by real life here.

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