Crazy Woman's Co-Workers Wounded by Pencil Arsenal
Cube Hell - In one twisted series of events, several co-workers of one Rachel X were left critically wounded by a barrage of flying pencils from the arsenal in X's cubicle. "I'd seen her with boxes of pencils at the electric sharpener for days," said an anonymous office-mate, "but I just thought she was getting anal like the rest of us. How was I to know she had something so drastic up her sleeve?"
The harrowing event was apparently precipitated by a request from one of X's superiors. "I emailed her asking her to email someone else. Then I went by her cube to make sure she understood the instructions. She happily replied that she would do it, so I had no idea she was teetering on the edge of insanity. A while later I checked by her cube again to be sure that she had in fact sent the email, but she was not there. I heard strange muffled growls from underneath the desk. When I leaned down I saw a pair of yellow eyes flash, and this pencil flew out and got me": anonymous co-worker motions to a gruesome wound on her neck where the pencil was lodged. "I must have been lucky, though," says the anonymous co-worker. "When people came running upon hearing my screams, a whole arsenal of pencils came shooting out from under the desk like guided missiles. People were screaming and tripping over pencils on their way out of the battlefield. Poor Mr. ____ had so many pencils stuck in his ass, we started calling him Porcupine Butt. So yeah, I suppose I got off easier than some."
X is currently nowhere to be found, although some suspect she may be lurking in the supply aisles of Office Max. "I'm disturbed to admit that I found hundreds of boxes of paper clips stashed in her desk," said one superior. "I suppose I ought to fire her for this incident, but no one can send emails quite the way she can."
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