Area Man Can’t Get Enough of His Sealy Mattress

 

 Boulder, CO - A local man known as Joe Frank just can’t get enough of his Sealy mattress.  Reports have been made that Frank has shamelessly spread Sealy propaganda throughout his place of work, in hopes of selling his beloved mattress.  Propaganda includes, but is not limited to, slipping Sealy references into nearly all conversations, bragging about his good night’s sleep in front of yawning co-workers, and coincidentally leaving magazines open to a Sealy ad on the copy room table.  Rumor has it that Frank has even considered stuffing the mattress with a buried treasure of Mary Jane to induce further interest.  Wait, what’s that tiny pixel on my screen saver?  Let’s zoom in.  Oh, what a coincidence!  It’s an ad for a Sealy mattress.  Man, I’ve been thinking about getting one of those.  And isn’t Joe Frank, my co-worker, trying to sell one?  That’s just so convenient!

            Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you decide.  If Mr. Frank’s mattress is so great, then how come he wants to sell it weeks in advance of when he may finally move?  And if it’s really that great, then why doesn’t he just strap it to the roof of his car, forget renting a new apartment, and become a permanent car camper, forever coining the term for a new spin-off of trailer trash, Road Refuse?

 

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