Light on the Leaves

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Light on the Leaves

And so I realized that my failure to sculpt some beautiful words of literary value was in fact perfect.  My father would not have been able to understand them anyway.  But something in my heart said that maybe, just maybe, he could still hear me.  And so I told him, just from the heart, the things I wanted to say: a simple list, because that's all I had been able to write. 

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Getting Over the Affair: A Ride on the Staten Island Ferry

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Getting Over the Affair: A Ride on the Staten Island Ferry

It was a beautiful but cold, cloudy day.  I felt anxious as I boarded the boat.  What would happen?  Would I have some sort of a reaction?  I imagined dropping these feelings of violation into the water - if I had still had my wedding ring, I would have dropped it into those murky waves.  Since I did not, I performed a sort of internal silent ritual, remembering what had happened, deciding it didn't claim me anymore . . . (keep reading)

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To Break Open a Cherry Seed

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To Break Open a Cherry Seed

Now it so happens that cherry blossoms come in spring - and sometimes that long winter feels interminable. So much bitter cold and lack of light can make it hard to trust in spring coming back. After you lose, and you lose, and you lose again ... you become afraid to believe in love and happiness. But the problem here is any new bit of happiness becomes like a seed you keep wanting to dig up to see if it's growing. If you keep digging up a little plant to see if it has roots, what will happen to it? . . . . (keep reading)

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Don't Think! Just Do.

-A life lesson from me (chicken shit) that applies to us all
 

I used to be a gymnast.  I did back walkovers on the high beam, I did flyaways (back flip dismount) off the uneven bars.  I did front and back flips and aerials on the floor.  I let myself get strapped into a harness and launched off a teeterboard (giant human see saw) and managed to do a triple back flip.  All of this is especially ironic, because I was a total chicken.

What do you do if you're a total chicken shit, but you want to have confidence?  How do you stop being limited in life when fear is stopping you?

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